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Saturday, August 02, 2008
Me needz a hug.I think I'm gonna rant now. In my own special way.
"Maybe I should have just ignored you when I first met you.
Maybe I shouldn't have noticed how cute you were.
Maybe I shouldn't have talked to you.
Maybe I shouldn't have discovered how melodious your voice is.
Maybe I shouldn't have gotten to know more about you.
Maybe I shouldn't have noticed what a vibrant personality you have.
Maybe I shouldn't have attempted to comfort you when I heard you had problems.
Maybe I should have ignored this feeling, growing inside of me everyday.
Maybe I should have stood beside what I had believed in, what I had experienced, to just toss love aside, because all it ever does is ironical hurt.
Maybe I have continued to ignore love around me, just as I did for a few months.
Maybe I should have stayed a loner, quiet and conservative, never to open up to people unless they talk to me first.
Maybe I shouldn't have been so blind, and saw your playful flirts as just for fun.
Maybe I should have thought logically, about the chances of that happening.
Maybe I shouldn't have started to believe in love again.
Maybe I shouldn't have been so stupidly naive.
Maybe I shouldn't have discovered what a beautiful smile you had.
Maybe I shouldn't have fallen at that point.
Maybe I shouldn't have started hopelessly chasing after you, you who had already fallen for someone else.
Maybe I shouldn't have held that hope. That one day, you and I will count the stars together.
Maybe I should have just ignored this feelings I have, throwing them aside until Os.
Maybe I shouldn't have realized that by then it would be too late, that history would be repeating itself, chasing after someone who's already long gone.
Maybe I should have just continued to refuse to run after my dreams. After all, there was no one there I wanted to do it for.
Maybe I should have done everything for myself in the first place. Then maybe I wouldn't be so pathetically emotionally weak, lying to myself, putting up a false front.
Maybe I should have just gave up then. But I didn't. Because you made me see the light again.
Maybe I shouldn't have noticed that you had a magnificent inner beauty.
Maybe I shouldn't have decided that you were just the girl for me, no matter how you treated me sometimes.
Maybe I shouldn't have let myself imagine that the songs in my music player were about you.
Maybe I shouldn't have hoped so much on finding more about you.
But then, maybe I will never regret deciding that whatever I do, you will be in my mind.
Maybe, just maybe, I shouldn't have fallen in love with you, noticing how cute you were, discovering your smile, realizing how inwardly beautiful you were, deciding that you were the one for me.
But the point of the matter is, I'm in love with you. I just wish you'd love me too. So for now, I'll just continue chasing this hopeless dream, one that feels just within my grasp with my outstretched hand and yet is like a million miles away, no matter how hard or fast I run forward.
You are like a gentle breeze and the shimmery gem , the former providing me with the cooling tenderness , the latter always hard to find and yet I continue to pursue.
Because you are worth it."
I had this dream a few nights ago. It was about me and this girl. We sat on this lovely grass field, that would span on and on, around the landscape. There was this gentle breeze that was cooling to the touch, even though the sun wasn't blazing. It was a beautiful day to begin with. Picturesque clouds were in the sky, the kind that made you wonder how they became so. We, were out on a picnic. We were holding hands, with me carrying a picnic basket and you holding a camera, taking snapshots of us here and there. There was not to be another human in sight, which was a strange but timely scene.We set this checkered mat that was large and could well enough to fit you, me, and the picnic basket with well enough space for both of us to lie down. The meal we shared was wondrous, even in a dream, it felt as if every bite of food I took was like a party in my mouth. We lied down on that mat for awhile, gazing to the sky, looking at the clouds. Strange thing was, the sun was out, but it wasn't that bright, we could see the clouds very easy without squinting or be blinded. We chatted about what these odd figures of vapour looked like. One looked like spongebob, another one looked like a rabbit. In the end, we both agreed that they looked like clouds =), gazing into each other's eyes. I noticed that the girl's eyes were particularly deep, so deep it was like staring into her soul. And I think she was doing the same thing too. Before I knew it, it was night fall. We set the mat on this hill, facing downwards, so that our direction was towards the dark abyss filled with little blinks of hope. We sat next to each other, hugging our knees in synchronization. She chuckled. I gave a sheepish smile towards my left, where she sat, giving this aura of purity. I mentioned how insignificant we must be, to realize that through this darkness lies other worlds, worlds that has inhabitants that could be doing and wondering the exact same thing now. She giggled, telling me how witty I am. She agreed that maybe even one of them could be thinking about what she was thinking now. I asked what was it. She said, that even thought the night sky looked like an endless, bottomless black hole, it was covered by a blanket of stars. Little, blinking, white hopes. I replied, maybe that's why shooting stars represent wishes. Because they're hopes, moving towards someone or something somewhere else. On this night tho, I have to mention. The night sky, it was filled with stars of every light intensity and size. So, we started gazing around what was before us, searching for this said shooting hope.A few minutes of slience past, and it didn't feel awkward at all. It felt really warm. She said, out of the blue"Why don't we count them?", showing those pearly whites that were shinier than all the stars in the night combined. And so we did, but the thing was, the view point from each of us were different, so we got different amount of stars. I counted, 1482. she had 1693. Then I blurted out," Let's count it together then.", holding up my hand with index finger extended to the first star on our left, then taking it back after realizing what I just said and blushing. She saw that look on my face, and after a moment that seemed like an eternity to me, she took my right hand, which meant she reached over me, and forced my hand pointed back to that very same star, only this time, her left hand was right beside mine. This meant that I was leaning precariously towards her. And so we counted, one by one, hand in hand, side by side, every single star that we gazed upon, correcting each other on what we glanced upon. We were about halfway through the sky infront of us, when from the very corner of my eye, what should I spot but a shooting star."Hey quick look! It's a shooting star!" Pointing frantically towards the direction. "Let's make a wish then." She grinned, and closed her eyes. I soon followed suit. I wished that this moment would never end, and that I would be able to sit by her side for the rest of my mortal and spiritual life. When I opened my eyes, I assumed she had finished hers, and turned my head. She had not, and her eyes were still closed. Her face was a sheer sight of peaceful serenity. THen, I felt a slight tug on the left side of my sleeve. Her hands were clutched to that piece of cloth, tugging it lightly. When she opened her eyes, she caught mine. She was stunned for a moment, then blushed slightly, her hand still holding gently onto my shirt. She let go, her eyes gazing downward. I assumed I scared her, and stared downwards too in my disappointment. To my utter surprise, I felt a warm, and yet cold to the touch feeling on my left hand. I glanced down to my left. She was holding onto my hand, and I could feel her every pulse, and she was beating quite hard. I feared she could feel the sweat excreting from my palms. Her hand clasped mine, fingers wrapped around my finger still extended palm. I clasped mine around hers, and felt this rush of blood to my chest, making me feel like there were butterflies in my stomach. She looked up at me, eye to eye and said"I wished that we could count more stars in the future", and laid her head onto my shoulder, the feeling of her hair not uncomfortable in the slightest way.
Then I woke up. A tear in my eye. [Keith wrote this, thanks for reading! =D]Y,
10:49 PM